First here’s some crappy cell phone pictures!!!
Best picture taken
Blurry picture of me sitting
I have no idea what's going on with my eyes....
So now that you saw my crappy photos (crappy right?) Let’s go into my impressions of the Pakistani wedding (let’s just say it was not as I had expected.
The wedding was very small, it was put together last-minute and was the groom’s second marriage so it wasn’t all the hype of the first and certainly not like anything I’ve seen on Maharani Weddings. It was in a small room at a hotel in Atlantic City. There wasn’t any decor, only some very humble center pieces on the tables. I was expecting some kind of gender segregation, like I’ve read about here and to a lesser extent here. I also did not expect any dancing. The latter was true, there was no dancing at this wedding but it was certainly co-ed. This made me feel so much more at ease. A and I sat down essentially at the kids table, there were SO MANY KIDS! I didn’t expect children, I supposed because you would never bring children to a white American wedding but these are usually affairs where alcohol is heartedly consumed so I guess I can see why children at the Pakistani wedding was no big deal. Also I was not the only non-desi, there were two young women, one white the other African-American also attending, they were in western dresses, they sat by themselves and were obviously friends of the bride.
After some photos with the bride and groom, we had some appetizers and the kids got up and started running around. The groom’s brother and his wife came over and sat with us. They were very nice people. The groom’s brother has been an American for some time now and was even once married to a white woman, he didn’t even look Pakistani, more Italian if I were to guess, he asked us about our Thanksgiving, told us he made an entire American Thanksgiving for all his family, about 20 of them, turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes, the works. I loved it. His wife was very striking and very nice. She was sort of amused with me, she doted on me telling me how pretty I looked, making sure the food wasn’t too spicy, that I enjoyed my meal. She even took a picture with me.
Pictures! Let’s talk pictures. So it occurred to me that the main event of the reception was getting your picture taken, on stage, with the bride and groom. What fascinated me was that no one smiles in any of their photos, especially not with teeth. I watched and watched each couple get on stage, share a few words, there would be some laughter then STRAIGHT FACE FOR THE CAMERA! When it was my turn, I didn’t smile, though the photographer did take a photo of me when I first sat down and I gave a big, toothy grin. This makes me think back to my trip to Maine when A took a picture of me and asked me not to smile, then a couple of weeks ago we were sitting at dinner, he pulls out his cell phone and says “look at how cute” hands me the phone and there is a picture of me looking like I am about the scream/cry (my default face looks pretty unhappy) So I am guessing this is where his love of my non-smile in photos comes from.
Clothes! So I bought a saree last-minute from a local wholesale website, well two and the above was what I chose. For $30 it wasn’t a bad purchase. A and I watched youtube how to’s the night before and practiced. He wrapped me day of and we pinned it like crazy. The pallu and how to wear it concerned me a bit, I was never quite sure what to do with it, I mostly wrapped it around my back and draped it over my right elbow. I watched all the women in both their saris and shalwar and it seems like these aren’t just difficult garments for this gori but all women are constantly, lifting, draping, pulling at their outfits respectively. I also mimicked what I saw the other women doing with their pallus. My sari looked so plain in comparison to some of the very ornate and flashy clothing the women were wearing. Also there were adult twins wearing the same outfit, I was most fascinated by the two of them. A promised to get me a nice suit and sari from Pakistan so that the next function I am dressed to impress!
So that is my story, I am sure I am forgetting so much more. A said there were several men staring at me and he got a bit upset but I had no idea, I wasn’t looking at any of the men, the clothes were too pretty and the non-smiling thing was too interesting for me to pay any mind to the men there!
I laughed at your description of the laughter and then straight face when the camera snapped. I always laugh when I see Aj’s childhood pictures because everyone looks so bored or upset! No one ever smiled. His parents still never smile in pictures, though sometimes his mom will do a closed mouth half-grin.
P.S I love your saree! The color is so pretty.
The smiling thing had me laughing, too. Dak rarely ever smiles even though he has such a beautiful smile. If any pictures are posed you rarely see his family members smiling though if caught dancing or something there are bound to be smiles! I’m not really sure where this comes from. I always have a goofy huge grin on my face for pictures, which is probably considered crazy to them. haha. It was fun to see the pics and your sari.
You looked great! The color was super flattering, and it looked wrapped perfectly to me [then again, gori to gorim who knows what standards I go by
].
And I have to say, albeit two other comments with the same remark, that my boyfriend has pictures of his family and his mom is straight-faced, stern in nearly every one. I always remark that he has such a good-looking family [The brothers are definitely something to tell the girls about!], and he nearly ALWAYS says something about how beautiful his mother is. I also nod my head, smile and say ‘of course, of course’, but in my head wonder–why the heck can’t she smile in any of these pictures so maybe I can attempt to see this ‘beauty’ he speaks of more!
But alas, your post gives me more of an explanation. I had no idea it was a cultural thing! I hate to say it, but I’m relieved. I’m meeting her and the family this coming summer, and feel more at ease knowing the woman isn’t individually against expression.
The “look how cute” is interesting. A has a few aunts who refuse to smile in pictures, and his mother’s most prominently displayed wedding picture has her looking bored and possibly a little sick (to my gori eye, at least). A grew up in the US and tries to get his aunts to smile, and I think most of our wedding pictures had smiling members (except for those few masis).
I have never been to that wedding site. I’ll visit. sorry can’t see the pics, but I am sure that you looked great in your sari. Well, when I have my celebration, I want lots of kids; I know that there aer some american weddings where that is not done; my sister’s included and I had to find places for my three boys. But, I won’t do that. Hahaha, your bf getting angry because some men were staring. I can’t see what the women are doing, so I’ll just have to make the most of it and move on. But, I am glad that you had a good time. I have often thought about being a “desi wedding crasher,” just to see lots of Pakistani/Indian/etc celebrations. It wouldn’t work, I am just sayin’.
what kind of music was there, if any?
Wsa the Nika (Assuming that they are Muslim, they might not be) done before the ceremony?
Was there shoe stealing, money giving, Pakistani sweets distributed, mendi handed bride and women, etc?
Interesting you ask about the shoes. I didn’t see any stealing but the bride’s shoes amused me. She was adorned in red and gold from head to toe and her shoes-well they were gold glitter stripper shoes! I am not sure if she wanted to be really tall or if she needed something really tall very last minute because she didn’t have time to alter the choli!
They played desi pop music on a radio, enough for the kids to dance to. I know in some parts of the US weddings include children, its not at all common in the northeast, especially since weddings are usually catered and pricey.
Oh, did many/most people speak English? What food did they serve? sorry so many questions. (smile
They had a buffet from a local indo-pak restaurant, it was super yummy! everyone spoke english (to me at least) and there were very few women veiled.
Manny,
Yes you are right…you do have a belly which is cherished by most south asians…good that you din’t showed them the jewel called “deep navel”..you wud have cuased few marriages to break up..lolz
You two look good couples…good luck..
Was that sari falling off after a couple of shots lol?
you look seductive + intoxicated = totally appealing.
And maybe whoever took the other pic is stoned too or we need 3d glasses.
I was not intoxicated! No alcohol at Muslim weddings!
You really pulled off the sari! Looks great! And you have a cool hair style too. Glad you had a good time at the wedding.
hic! of course figuratively speaking..
Not smiling for photos drives me crazy! I’m always teasing my future inlaws about smiling for my pictures, “come on! I want you to look happy!!” I don’t get it either!
You look pretty, you really do! The colour suits you and the sari does not seem too heavy, which is a good choice! The jewelry also goes well with the sari. The drape, well, it could have been better, but you are not a native wearer, so it’s understandable. I could, but will not make corrective draping suggestions here, but if you ask an Indian lady, she might be able to help you (I can too, via mail)!
Wish you many more such enjoyable ‘sari-wearing’ experiences…:)
Hmmm: Why would you expect no mixed dancing from my blog? I described how my inlaws danced mixed…that is typical in their weddings (but not at the reception). My inlaws aren’t religious and in their family and other families like them (typical in upper class PK society) mixed dancing is very much a part of weddings. However, the dancing is usually at the mehendi/haldi and dholki parties. Not at the bride’s rukhsati, (the day she wears a red dress). Dancing at a rukhsati is not very typical…I have never heard of that, first time to read it here on your blog. It is usually a sit down affair. The day you have linked to was my nikaah day, the day we signed the marriage contract and there was a mayoon/dholki (singing/dancing party) afterwards. There was also mixed dancing at my mehndi and on the white dress American day I had. There was no dancing at my red dress reception though. (I had a week’s worth of parties). I am religious and do not like mixed dancing for myself. I love it when there are separate or ladies only dance events, though.
The wedding you describe doesn’t sound “typical.” In Dubai one of my husband’s cousins is also twice divorced and on his third wedding we just went to dinner in an upscale hotel, no party at all, and the bride (it was her second wedding and she wore a simply yet expensive beige lehenda) groom, and my husbands’ cousins went to a night club and danced afterwards. Once again—NOT typical Pakistanis, but they are rich, well educated, not religious, “mod” or whatever.
Hahahaha, the groom looked Italian? You wanna know something? My husband was standing over my shoulder when I opened your blog and he doesn’t know who the heck you are but thought you were Pakistani! He said “Who’s that?” I just said “blogging friend” He was like “She looks like Madonna” I was like “Go away, she is just a gori wife friend” and he was shocked you weren’t a Pakistani. (he thought you dyed your hair).
You look very beautiful in your saree, mashallah. It is simple and very classy looking and the forest green color is great on you. Glad to hear that you enjoyed and interesting to read your impressions of stuff.
whoa…typing fast with toddlers dancing around me, hope u can still understand what I said, meant the bride in Dubai was wearing a *simple lehenga” not a simply lehenda
masha’allah you look lovely in your sari
I think they look soo pretty but I dont know how they would look with a long sleeved tshirt and a hijab 
Im looking forward to my wedding party, especially all the different clothes I will be wearing 
Glad you had a good experience though 
Ive only been to one Pakistani wedding, all they did was take pictures with the couple… I was very bored!!!
I think you could pull off a sari with a long sleeve shirt and hijab, just gotta compliment the sari!
Looking good! Your necklace almost looks like a Nepali pote!
I think green looks really great on you, and love your hair.
Just one little tip, and please dont take this with any bad meaning… I think it looks elegant when the top border of the sari is pulled up tighter under the right armpit. Hard to explain what I mean, maybe I can find a pic online to show. But you do look really nice!
I think that color looks really beautiful, you looked lovely! Many of the weddings I’ve been to were gender segregated, but like LuckyFatima said, a lot of that has more to do with class or wealth or social position that religiosity. I remember the first time I was invited to some Pakistani event – it was the birthday of a friend of my husband’s nephew and they are a fairly well off, long-time ago immigrated kind of family and I was SHOCKED that it was a dance party! And some coed dancing too! AND some AUNTIES coed dancing! I about fell off my chair, and I couldn’t get M to step out there, but I enjoyed watching all that bhangra! So much of your experiences as a gori significant other are determined my the social position of the family you’re marrying (or girlfriending?) into. My inlaws are still very typically middle class, so that is why my stories are they way they are.
wow loved your photos, i dont even know how to wear a saree! the wedding sounds a bit lowkey, but it varies for everyone i suppose. ever been to a punjabi wedding?
It was a punjabi wedding!