I’ve noticed a commonality among the gori bloggers, besides having a Desi So that is…
It’s Feminism. Like in your face, preach sister, unabashed feminism. The kind of feminism I love and is rarely shown in public. What is it about us? Is it a mere coincidence? Or is that we are romantically involved with partners from more traditional gender role cultures? I know I was always a feminist. I manage women’s campaigns, I am a member of NOW and Planned Parenthood and yet, I probably talk about feminism the least. I always appreciate the candor my fellow bloghers have about their beliefs in gender equality. So for now I gotta say “keep preaching it sisters.”
Well, we must be daring enough to (a) be open to an intercultural relationship, (b) want to connect with other women about said relationships, and (c) be very comfortable with using technology to connect. I observe that we’re an above-average educated group (meaning I think all of us have at least a BA/BS, and several of us have or are working graduate degrees). Finally, women who aren’t comfortable with the zeitgeist of our formal and informal blog ring don’t comment often enough to become part of said zeitgeist.
So, there might be a feminist self-selection about women who go gori. There may also be correlations, like with education (and I think several of us met our tall dark and handsomes in school?). I was feminist before A, my awareness and interactions with Indian culture have heightened my awareness of gender inequality, and my field (psychology) highlights women’s issues. (The abundance of bleeding-hearts in the blog ring may also factor into self-selection for intercultural relationships and feminism).
No more 13-hour grad school days, please. I come home too nerdy.
Love it.
Whilst I am not one of the formally educated folk, I am a constant learner & a formal education is on my to do list.
I believe that I carry myself quite well in the general discussion and I am more than happy to roar like a lioness.
I am not at all intimidated or offended by the mention of degrees, because it is true!
Modern Indian men, want strong women to stand at their side – that also seems clear to me!
Our guys are all highly educated & seem to come from fairly well off families – hence they need partners that can mentally stimulate them.
Vishav loves my strength, my independence and also the fact that I am a straight forward gal.
I also think that people that are not open minded, curious and strong willed (like ourselves) would not a) be open to an intercultural do and b) if they did overcome ‘a’ would likely perish by not having the understanding of themselves and of their partner to set reasonable limits within their relationship – so that they can keep their independence as a person intact.
You may (or may not) have noticed I am not writing much on my blog these days either.
I am struggling with the same ‘Wife of Indian’ conflict. I am tired of writing about the differences and the Indian aspects of our world.
Between two educated, open minded, loving and accommodating people the differences fade away into the abyss that is everyday life.
Big Bad Blonde Bahu has written about ‘Trying Too Hard’, and I know that Sara has been circling over this ‘Wife of Indian’ idea it for over a week.
Another observation that I have made, is that all of our bloggie bloghers in the desi links world are REALLLYYY FREAKING NICE & AWESOME…
Amen, to the “Roaring Gori Sisterhood!”
Now that is a name befitting our circle of bloghers…
Glad you weren’t offended by my generalization.
I think I might’ve known that, but it didn’t stand out when I did my mental once-over.
I think not all Desi men want strong women, but those that want meek and docile typically let their parents choose a nice Desi girl for them.
And I personally am intentional about not blogging only about the intercultural stuff or even only about my relationship. I went from forums to blogging specifically because I wanted to join a community of WOMEN, not just a community of WOIs/POIs who talk about their lives only when issues or festivals come up.
Actually, I am and was always for equality, but I must admit, i was/am not that much of a feminist. in their zeal to get their point across, disabled women were excluded from the movement because the “able bodied woman,” would be tarnished.
Need some references: check out Simmie Linton, Adrienne Ashe and Michelle fine.
I do think that feminism, equality, equity, gender roles and respect do need to be explored.
and, i agree, you can’t be involved with a Desi guy without plunging into and sifting through such a subject. And, “feminism” means different things to different people. Besides, the more i live, the more that I find out that men and women alike like the theory of equality or virtue or generosity or bravery or whatever, much more than they can apply it…. … myself included!
If the end goal of the fem movement was to obtain equal education and pay for both genders and to get respect for whichever role (SAHM or career) we choose in life than count me in!
Feminism has definitely meant different things at different times, I think. And movements always seem to leave someone behind who’s too hard to bring along, so I can see how it would leave a bad taste in your mouth for feminism. I truly hope that now the leaders of the movement include all women.
Perhaps we could look, too, to the SOs this community is founded on – Grace says “people that are not open minded, curious and strong willed (like ourselves) would not a) be open to an intercultural SO”; this applies as much to our desi partners as it does to us. Given the scenario in which they have each found themselves – venturing overseas for education, or being born of a family who left their homeland in search of opportunities, it is likely that they are all products of a home and parenting which have moulded them into intelligent, independent, outward-looking citizens of the world. That they should broaden their range of potential life partners to include those from other ethnic or cultural backgrounds – and to seek from that wider pool a mate with traits and values that chime with their own – is perhaps to be expected.
Tricky though it is to square away history sometimes, I’m grateful to the paths trodden by both of our families which have probably played some part in our being the kind of people who would be attracted to and nourished by each other!
This makes me want to shout out “Can I get an AAAAAMEN!”
Sara said:
And I personally am intentional about not blogging only about the intercultural stuff or even only about my relationship. I went from forums to blogging specifically because I wanted to join a community of WOMEN,
that is the one thing that has been so hard for me, finding a community of women.
in some spaces:
‘blind” would relegate me to the sidelines.
in other cases: “intercultural,” would oust me and even further, “interfaith,” would shun me from any serious discussion.
and, i like a variety of discussions ranging from the very cerebral to the more personal. i use to join email lists: but I couldn’t stomach the one liner “LOL” messages that tended to flood my inbox. then, when i brought something of substance ‘what do you think about this news item…’ it got no responses (or at least far less than the post about someone’s fluffy dog who just licked their face).
So, i am always excited to find likeminded women.
and, while i started to just blog about my relationship with imran, i have branched out into other areas because:
1. there is not that much to say about our relationship: sure, some is intercultural, but some is just good old ‘relationship’
2. i am too lazy to have multiple blogs.
3. i think that it gives you a more rounded view of my life: to read about the “whole” of our lives, not just the gori/desi part.
4. honestly, the gori/desi part is just a small portion of us. it does not make up the entirety of either of us, so to give it one whole blog would be kind of emphasizing a point that is not as important (not that it does not cause some difficulties and bring some joys sometimes), but, it is one of many aspects of our lives.
First up, Amen sisters.
@Jamily–I think you are right to include a variety of topics in your posts. Even if the post doesn’t bring up something I know enough about to comment on, I can always see how the issues you bring up relate to your life, your relationship, and complexities of navigating an intercultural and inter-religious relationship. I don’t include certain things because I don’t what my identity to be too obvious (my family is pretty tech savvy), but I do include lots about religion.
@Sara–I think you are right to bring up education as an important factor in how we think, what we value, who we married (or are thinking about marrying) , and why those men married us. (Grace, you are included! You are young, planning to go to school, and clearly value education). My husband and I both value education highly. I think that valuing education in the other person and taking an active interest in the other person’s intellectual growth leads to a more equal partnership.
when thinking about education. There is a difference in being educated and being a person who actually values education. I know many people who are quite open minded and remark that they are learners of life. In this situation, they use the world to learn what some people learn in classrooms. Take the simple concept of a stereotype. Some people learn about it in a classroom and some learn about it in life. Some of us learn about it in both places. Some who learn about it in class reject it and seem not to have opened their minds at all. Education is just the platform, but, you can find it in life if you look. So, even if Grace never gets the degree, she is a learner.
I don’t consider myself a feminist. I very much enjoy the differences that exist between a man and a woman. I have no desire to be “equal” in every aspect in a romantic relationship. (At work? Yes.)
I like the door held open for me, an offer to carry the heavy things, etc. Once on a road trip BB would not let me drive more than 2 hours. He took over saying “Relax, it is your birthright”. I had never heard such a thing. I liked it. It made me feel more attracted to him as a man.
I love education and have 2 Masters degrees. I no longer buy into the lie that having degrees, owning a home, etc…trumps or is equal to being a mother. Being a mother has been downgraded/ frowned upon by feminism.
That being said, I think we all really do have “something” in common but I do not believe it is called “feminist”.
@Dosagirl–I don’t know if I agree with the notion that having children makes you not a feminist. My mother and father both consider themselves feminists and they have several children. I think the definition might vary from person to person, family to family, but for me it means that sense of equality and partnership. It means that men can enjoy cooking, share in household duties, and participate in raising children and that womens’ careers, education, and aspirations mean as much as mens’ (I just took a muscle relaxant so I can’t figure out where those commas go. My apologies).
@Jamily–You’re right. Lots of my students finish up their degrees and still can’t think for themselves or form an opinion based on available evidence. Perhaps by valuing education (while I am proud of my degree) I mean intellectual curiosity and openness.
@blonde Bahu I never said that having children meant someone was not a feminist. I said that Feminism discounts motherhood.
There are plenty of feminists with children, no doubt.
My good friend has her masters is Women’s Studies and was a stay at home mother of 5. She admits that she had the comfort of making such a choice. Feminism is just that, its the CHOICE that women can do whatever the hell she wants to with her life and body, including being a stay at home mom or a CEO who never has children and everything in between. But it also means being critical of a society that doesn’t give women or families a real option, there is no choice involved only financial need.
I don’t think that’s true at all. It tries to subvert the patriarchal ways that motherhood has been defined, but it certainly doesn’t dismiss it or devalue it.
Feminist means different things to different people. I have to tell you that I have known people like Dosagirl describes and have told me that since I do not have a budding career (probably because I think that I can’t do it; and am controled by a man) then, I am less of a woman. In my college days, I knew many “feminists,” who said: “If men can do it, why shouldn’t/can’t we?” This was the first historical chants and the mantra has been carried on. This motto is espoused to justify their promiscuity, desire for status/income/career at the expense of their family and their desire to generally behave badly. In this context, they saw/see men as having the rights and privilege to behave badly and instead of fighting against the behavior, they fought to have the freedom to behave just as abhorrantly. I have to admit that it does seem that we americans are so addicted to “freedom,” that we believe that because we have the freedom to do something, it automatically means that it is a good idea to do it.
that debate aside:
Can we be equal while assuming different gender roles? Yes. We don’t have to change our gender roles to be respected as women and I think that many in the feminist movement thought that in order to claim their respective roles and in order to assert our intelligence etc, we had to downplay the very fact that we were women. …. as if all of us should live in a gender nutral society. I think that the early feminists and even some fems now, in their quest to be equal, strive to make us gender nutral. And, anyone who did not confine to their strict definition could not forward the “movement.” that is the thing about movements. They want to make a statement and everyday lives and decisions get lost in the political movement and appearance of the whole.
I have not identified as “feminist.”
I have not because:
1. many people who identify as a feminist also identify (at least include one reason for such identification) with pro choice. In my opinion, abortion is not a women’s issue, it is a human issue. I am prolife. And, before someone asks: Yes, that also means that I am against capital punishment. In fact, if I did identify as “feminist,” I might point out how unhealthy abortion can be toward women. But, stats is for another day and post.
2. Many of the feminists that I know (from my college days) have this kind of belief that we are gender nutral. that is: the only thing that makes a man and woman different are their genitils. I disagree. Men and women think differently (it does not mean that men are smarter than women), and they both have different strengths and weaknesses. I think that the fem movement shot itself in the foot when they saw women’s characteristics as “weak” and hoped to be more manly to be equal. I love being a woman and am glad of my “feminenity.” The more feminine does not make me more inferior.
Now, I admit that feminism and those who identify as feminists are evolving and changing.
I even know one woman who identifies as Muslim and Feminist — Should we tell the Christians??????
But, the real question is:
How does your identification as feminist play out in your everyday life?
a. do you expect your dh to partner with you in the housecleaning? What if you are not working? do you see yourself as less of a person if you are staying at home caring for the house/etc instead of having your career? do you feel that your dh sees homemaking as less of a career? do you feel that you get less respect for being a homemaker?
B. What about your finances? How does your feminist leanings effect your thoughts about money and how it should be made/spent?
c. what about motherhood? How does your feminist views effect your beliefs (and more poinantly) your daily actions when it comes to motherhood and/or family?
Now, what about your men?
sure, men can say that they believe in women’s rights, but… …
talk is cheap.
What does your man do to put his money where his mouth is?
Where does he lack action to fit the beliefs?
And, where are you surprised that he is not more …. …. socially conscious? do you feel that he doesn’t respect you as a woman or the contributions that you make to the household? Is there a difference in being an equal and equitable partner? Must everything be 50% for you to feel respected?
and, before you think that I am pointing fingers at others:
I’ll admit that my dh and I just had an argument (disagreement) [we don't yell or throw things, but disagree none the less]. about
Vena Malik.
(Pakistani actress who participated in “the boss,” [or something like that] and supposably disgraced Pakistan).
Sorry I can’t provide links. I am “link disabled!”
(smile smile smile— wink wink wink)
Hmmm, I think that this means that I should make my own post about my thoughts on this subject.
Feminist means different things to different people. I have to tell you that I have known people like Dosagirl describes and have told me that since I do not have a budding career (probably because I think that I can’t do it; and am controled by a man) then, I am less of a woman. In my college days, I knew many “feminists,” who said: “If men can do it, why shouldn’t/can’t we?” This was the first historical chants and the mantra has been carried on. This motto is espoused to justify their promiscuity, desire for status/income/career at the expense of their family and their desire to generally behave badly. In this context, they saw/see men as having the rights and privilege to behave badly and instead of fighting against the behavior, they fought to have the freedom to behave just as abhorrantly. I have to admit that it does seem that we americans are so addicted to “freedom,” that we believe that because we have the freedom to do something, it automatically means that it is a good idea to do it.
that debate aside:
Can we be equal while assuming different gender roles? Yes. We don’t have to change our gender roles to be respected as women and I think that many in the feminist movement thought that in order to claim their respective roles and in order to assert our intelligence etc, we had to downplay the very fact that we were women. …. as if all of us should live in a gender nutral society. I think that the early feminists and even some fems now, in their quest to be equal, strive to make us gender nutral. And, anyone who did not confine to their strict definition could not forward the “movement.” that is the thing about movements. They want to make a statement and everyday lives and decisions get lost in the political movement and appearance of the whole.
I think that there is a difference between equality and equity.
If I am working, become pregnant and am to get 6months maternity leave, I’ll take it.
Now, by “equal rights,” standards, I should not take it because men don’t get 6months of paternity leave. I wonder if women who desire everything to be equal would gladly give up their maternity leave since men don’t get it.
I wouldn’t!
Sure, it would be nice if men and women got it. But, That just ain’t happening folks.
I have not identified as “feminist.”
I have not because:
1. many people who identify as a feminist also identify (at least include one reason for such identification) with pro choice. In my opinion, abortion is not a women’s issue, it is a human issue. I am prolife. And, before someone asks: Yes, that also means that I am against capital punishment. In fact, if I did identify as “feminist,” I might point out how unhealthy abortion can be toward women. But, stats is for another day and post.
2. Many of the feminists that I know (from my college days) have this kind of belief that we are gender nutral. that is: the only thing that makes a man and woman different are their genitils. I disagree. Men and women think differently (it does not mean that men are smarter than women), and they both have different strengths and weaknesses. I think that the fem movement shot itself in the foot when they saw women’s characteristics as “weak” and hoped to be more manly to be equal. I love being a woman and am glad of my “feminenity.” The more feminine does not make me more inferior.
Now, I admit that feminism and those who identify as feminists are evolving and changing.
I even know one woman who identifies as Muslim and Feminist — Should we tell the Christians??????
But, the real question is:
How does your identification as feminist play out in your everyday life?
a. do you expect your dh to partner with you in the housecleaning? What if you are not working? do you see yourself as less of a person if you are staying at home caring for the house/etc instead of having your career? do you feel that your dh sees homemaking as less of a career? do you feel that you get less respect for being a homemaker?
B. What about your finances? How does your feminist leanings effect your thoughts about money and how it should be made/spent?
c. what about motherhood? How does your feminist views effect your beliefs (and more poinantly) your daily actions when it comes to motherhood and/or family?
Now, what about your men?
sure, men can say that they believe in women’s rights, but… …
talk is cheap.
What does your man do to put his money where his mouth is?
Where does he lack action to fit the beliefs?
And, where are you surprised that he is not more …. …. socially conscious? do you feel that he doesn’t respect you as a woman or the contributions that you make to the household? Is there a difference in being an equal and equitable partner? Must everything be 50% for you to feel respected?
and, before you think that I am pointing fingers at others:
I’ll admit that my dh and I just had an argument (disagreement) [we don't yell or throw things, but disagree none the less]. about
Vena Malik.
(Pakistani actress who participated in “the boss,” [or something like that] and supposably disgraced Pakistan).
Sorry I can’t provide links. I am “link disabled!”
(smile smile smile— wink wink wink)
Hmmm, I think that this means that I should make my own post about my thoughts on this subject.
When my mom was in high school, her guidance counselor told her not to go to college and to take home economics instead. My mom had to be smart and strong enough to fight against that kind of crap and that was only forty years ago. Only forty years after that kind of talk was socially acceptable, women do not have to choose between going to college and taking home economics. For my grandmother, going to college was never even an option. In light of what my mother’s generation fought for, I am befuddled by the idea of educated women who enjoy the fruits of the women’s movement rejecting the term “feminism” because of what some political pundits have done with the term.
Back to the original idea of why so many of the POI/WOIs are feminists, I kind of wonder if those of us with difficult in-laws MUST define ourselves as feminists in face of the pressures we face from our in-laws. When you have in-laws who want to squish you into a “traditional” box to make you acceptable, you have to punch pretty hard to get out of that box. Around my husband’s aunts and uncles. I see myself praised for acting in a subservient manner, and it freaks me out. I am praised for looking “pretty,” criticized for being “too fat” (size 12), praised for how much I like little kids, praised for cooking and sewing, and criticized for my A.D.H.D. approach to housework and total inability to knit. They aren’t interested in who I am as a person, what I did my degree in, what my hopes for the future are, or why my husband loves me. In the face of that, I feel a stronger need to define myself as a feminist. It’s probably not true for everyone, but being judged against such standards of what a woman “should” be, you are more interested in preserving yourself and valuing the freedoms you have.
Most of those pundits who use terms like “feminazi” would gladly take away our rights in a second.
This reminds me — I was asking about A’s mom’s reaction to the-Bhabhi-I-can’t-call-bhabhi (cause I’d make everyone look bad), when she first joined the family, and A said Ma said she was a “nice girl.” I’ve heard this phrase several times…and it just seems so nondescript! “Nice” meaning doormat, “girl” meaning nonadult?
So I asked him what it meant, and he thought for a moment…”Is polite, helps in the kitchen, you know”…”So, basically, servant?”…”No! It doesn’t mean that.”…”Well, so far you’ve told me helps with housework and doesn’t talk back. That’s a servant. What else is it?”…”I don’t know. Stuff.”
So, I’m sticking with powerless doormat…and just to say that someone’s a “nice girl” isn’t so bad, but what bothers me is that the description seems to stay there.
I don’t believe that the genders are “meant” to be different and complementary (although they are socialized to be, and there may be some innate differences); that sounds dangerously close to “it’s obvious that God meant for woman to lie with man, not with another woman, and for man to rule over woman” for me (based on negative experiences I’ve had).
However, I have absolutely no problem with traditional gender roles, IF both parties are truly satisfied with them. And I like for A to tell my I look beautiful, to kill the spiders sometimes (and, if he can’t find the spiders, to throw away a paper towel like he killed them so I can go to sleep…true story), and to open a door at least on dates (that one had to be taught post-engagement, sadly). And he loves that I don’t mind cleaning the bathroom and says that I have a magic touch with making the bed (I told him it’s called taking twice as long to do it carefully, and I find that his made beds look much more like mine now)…but he also does most of the cooking, and I’m getting a graduate degree and plan to have a career.
I know that I would be a depressed stay-at-home mom, so I told A early on that if he was looking for a stay-at-home mom, I was not going to be a good match. I think there are GREAT stay-at-home moms, and I admire the commitment and sacrifice it takes, and I believe that there are things I will miss by not being with my kids all day (when I have them).
I also think that being the ONLY breadwinner must be a tremendous amount of pressure. I’m scrambling to find funding (i.e., job and tuition) for next year, and even without children I feel the pressure to “contribute” to our household because I know we can’t make it on my husband’s salary alone. Men die younger than women, and one theory is that stress from the breadwinner role actually contributes to early death! I’d rather have two reasonably well-balanced work/home partners than one mostly-work partner and one mostly-home partner…but I view that as my preference, not the “one best way” to manage a household.
We may disagree in some areas, but the bottom line for both of us is that we can respect any role that a woman chooses for herself, as long as she is happy with it.
when i would be in predominantly feminist discussion groups and talked about my children, they would make comments that either belittled my job as “SAHM” (even though I was going to college at the time) or reminded me how lucky I (am) and would soon be because I would now have a “real job,” and be away from those energy-draining self-centered little ones.
[and that was the nice way to put it].
So, it is not just “political pundants,” who get the spirit of feminism wrong!
Sara, I hate the term: “nice girl,” and have gotten
similar responses from dh. and, funny, i had to tell him the same kinds of things when it comes to opening doors, etc. i notice that his friends don’t talk much about their wives either.
“So what is she like,”
“So, does she get mad easily?”
it seems that “nice girl,” just means some kind of docil demure girl.
He says not, but We know better.
And, then there is “pretty.” i am glad that people find my looks agreeable, but I don’t want them to find “this particular thing” as my most outstanding characteristic.
But, i was just thinking. yesterday, while walking back into my work, i held the door open for a man.
(gasp gasp)
he was coming in behind me.
just because I don’t open my own doors, sometimes, doesn’t mean that I can’t. it just means that he does it for me.
Just because I get Dh a cup of coffee doesn’t mean
1. that he is blind and can’t get it himself thus is dependent upon me
2. that he expects it
3. that I have to do it
and, what about when he gets me a cup?
You know, I see quite the reversal in women of my own generation. I get so much slack for being nearly 30 and not having a child. Young mothers now nly talk about their superiority because they are mothers. Motherhood is tougher than any job a selfish working woman has. There is also a good deal of “I feel so bad for you, how can you deal with not being a mother?”
Why can’t women just respect each other’s choices? I choose to not have a child because I haven’t had a stable income or relationship, leave me alone.
That’s terrible! NO woman should feel demeaned for her choices, whether it is to focus on career, to juggle career or school and family, or to focus exclusively on family. I’m sorry you, or any other woman, has to experience judgment…that’s just as oppressive as patriarchy.
yes, Sara and i think that this is the true point that I wanted to make! We do have to be careful that we don’t become those whom we oppose.
Kind of like:
We, as Americans, fought to be free from England,
And then, we enslave others.
France talks about women’s rights and then bans the Burqa.
And, no matter what you think of the Burqa, women should have the freedom to wear it if they choose!
Of course, some say: But, it is the men that are forcing it upon them and thus, we have banned it for them. But, what about the women who do actually choose to wear it? Aren’t you forcing them not to wear it?
i am just saying that it is a tricky thing.
And, for us to fight for our choices (when we don’t have them) and then assume that everyone wants or will make those same choices can be just as oppressive as the opposition.
you know Jubee,
it is just two sides of the same coin.
I admire you for waiting and if you never have children, it is your choice.
My DH’s mother is no less of a woman because she stayed at home with her children than mine is because she worked in a factory and owned her own trucking business.
Agreed, Dh’s mother had an arranged marriage and did not have the choice to get a good education.
But, if you ask her, she says that she is quite happy with her life.
And, my mother might give similar responses.
This is not to say that i agree with taking choices from women.
on the contrary,
women should be able and ready to make their own choices and deal with the consequences of those choices.
But, i don’t think [and others can disagree] that you can “have it all.”
Every choice has its pros and cons.
A balance is a good idea.
But, we as women (or men for that matter) only have so much to give and make decisions on where we want our time and energy spent. What is good for you might not be good for me, but it is your choice.
So:
are
YOUR and YOUR DH’s values always in sync?
i’d love to hear how people handle it when their views over gender roles and gender equity are different than their DH’s.
opposite to Sara:
my DH made it clear that if we ever had children, he would want me to stay at home with them — at least until they started school.
it seems that childhood shapes many of our values on such subjects and i believe that this would be the best for my children.
I respect the decisions of women who don’t stay at home with their children and hope that they will respect my choice.
But, Dh and i don’t always agree and we have to try to reach a compromise or just agree to disagree.
I’ve read quite a few blogs by women who are in relationships with South Asian men (found whitegirlinasari and went through her links), and this is the only post that kind of irks me. South Asian culture is very, very diverse. The whole ‘we white women are so feminist and our SO’s people are so traditional’ attitude may be based on your personal experiences, but it doesn’t hold true for everyone.
I’m from a South Asian background, and my family is far more egalitarian than the ‘white’ people I grew up with in a small city in Georgia (south east US, not the country), most of whom were really traditional.
I don’t believe I inferred all white women were feminist and everyone else is not. If that were the case, all my fellow blogettes wouldn’t seem so exceptional.
It sounds as if you might have some of your own stereotypes and are looking to affirm them. If my blog irks you, don’t read it. If I commented on everything I found on the internet I wouldn’t get anything else done.
@Kay–Hmm…like you said, everyone’s family is different. We proabably agree on more than you think we do. The blogger Gori Girl married into a very progressive Bengali family, and, in my opinion at least, gets to experience the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, in my situation, there is a lot of overtly misogynistic behavior within the family. My husband and one of his cousins are often the ones who have to stand up to this outdated thinking.
There are plenty of white women who are not feminists, though they benefit from the feminist movement. A bunch of them commented above.
As a feminist, I think it is problematic when my in-laws (who in more spohisticated Indian circles would be considered regressive, but who in their own community are considered normal) expect me to do things that the Indian feminists I know would NEVER do. I find it disturbing when I hear other white people (ESPECIALLY other whites in intercultural marriages) think I should just “give in” to what my in-laws want.